Inspired by the impending sense of doom

I feel when I think about the invading student hordes just waiting to storm the gates of our fair city; I present you with a partial list of things that I have seen on the T that I wish I hadn't.

1) The lady with the handcrafted cloth bookcover. Setting aside the fact that nobody over the age of 11 should have a bookcover, are you kidding me? Not only do you have a book cover, not only is it handcrafted in a fabric covered with images of cats (Cats!!), not only does said bookcover have handles (Can someone please tell me why a book would ever need handles?), but you felt the need to put this amazing contraption on a dime-store paperback. It's not like it was an original edition of Johnson's Dictionary. It wasn't even a spiffy new supermarket copy of The Davinci Code. From where I was standing it looked like it was a used copy of some romance novel form the 70s. Why not just make a t-shirt that says "I live with 59 cats" and be done with it?

2) The lady with pigeon feathers in her hair. Yes ladies and gents, you heard me right. I said "pigeon feathers" and I said "in her hair." Dirty-ass, rat of the sky, picked up off the street pigeon feathers.

3) Live Strong bracelets. Seriously people. You gave a whole dollar to charity like a year ago. Get over it already. What do you want a cookie?

4) Suitcases big enough to hold a dead body. Unless you are leaving town never to return again and you are carrying all of your worldly possessions, or you are, in fact, carrying a dead body around with you, I'm pretty sure you overpacked.

5) Hipster kids on the Blue Line. You think you look hot in your vintage 80's gear, don't you? Ok, kiddies, take it from me, a person who lived through the 80s. That stuff was not that attractive the first time around. If you are too young to remember when Madonna didn't have a fake British accent, you definitely should not be dressed like you are a back-up dancer from her Like a Virgin tour.

6) Dudes with their legs all splayed out in the middle of train as if they are on their living room couch; and, their close cousins, the dudes who read their newspapers bent over so that the newspaper takes up half the standing-room on the train—Didn't your mother's teach you to sit up straght? Newsflash—the world does not revolve around you!!

7) The people sitting on the remote interiors of the train who feel the need to crawl their way to the doors so that they are the first person off the train at a stop where everyone else is getting off anyway. Why? If you need to be the winner of the getting off the train race then why the hell are you sitting in the most inner seat? If you are that late for work or you are in that much of a rush, you desperately need to reexamine your life.

8) The "leaners" and the “huggers.” These are the people that think the upright bars on the train are for leaning their whole bodies against or for embracing in a bear hug. Normal, fully evolved members of the human race stand at a reasonable distance from these bars, holding on with one hand for balance, thus allowing other humans the chance to hold onto the same pole for balance. What is wrong with you people? It’s there for the convenience of passengers forced to stand on the train. It's not your girlfriend. It's not a stripper pole. It's not your mamma! Back off!

9) B.U. students. Need I say more?